Saturday, November 21, 2009

Special Invitation

Eid ul Adha is just around the corner and this time quite a number of my new friends here are going to fulfill the fifth pillar of our faith...perform the haj. The calm and composed looks on their faces, though deep inside only Allah knows the beating of their hearts, waiting for the days to come.Special invitations, God willing.

How my heart yearns to be that special guest of our creator, witnessing the serenity that unify us all in all it's glory. Praying in the same direction of the kaaba and making duas, hoping that they'll come true...Insya Allah. I hope that when the invitation comes, I'll be ready to go with an open heart, submiting myself totally and wholeheartedly. The road to redemption is long and treacherous but I will try my very best to earn that special invitation, hoping to go there with my beloved hubby and children. Insya Allah.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

That lazy feeling

I've been in a slump for more than a month now. I just can't get that feel good feeling that I used to have back when I first came here. I used to get excited about anything but now I don't want to do anything except be lazy. Yeah, I am lazy if compared to other people. My poor family. I look in envy at other people's blogs or Facebook where they post nice pics of food and stuff that they did. But me...nada, zilch! Oh woe is me... :(

How do I get back on track? I miss the sea. Somehow it calms my nerves. And now, I get nervy easily, moody, yup, always. Once my middle daughter asked me when would I make sushi? the answer...when I'm in the mood...hahaha!It seems that even to cook I have to be in the right mood. No doubt about it. If I'm not in the mood, the result would be disastrous. Poor Mimi. Soon, my dear, when I get out of this lazy feeling.

Even updating my blog nowadays is a huge task. I have nothing on my mind worth writing about, hence this junk. Maybe I should get back to what I'm good at...being lazy! Oh, my late mom was right...I am lazy. Sorry family...:(

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Back to Routines

The first week of Eid is over, and the kids are back to school sans Yaya, who is now on virtual school as the Dhahran High School is closed until Oct 10. It is by Royal decree that the International schools in the KSA are closed during the Eid celebration as the preventive measure for H1N1 flu epidemic. Now it's back to the same (really?) routines just like for lunch and dinner, cleaning and doing laundry etc. etc.

I hope to enroll myself in swimming lessons soon. It seems that I have this unexplainable fear of immersing myself in deeper part of the swimming pool..hehehe! Always stick myself to the shallow end and never have the courage to even do the back float...I hope I can conquer the fear soon.

I have seen lots of raya pictures being uploaded via facebook. Our Eid celebration this year so far is without our family pictures taken yet as my hubby is busy working. Luckily he had the day off on the first day. We planned to take some pictures on the first day but we were so busy berhariray-ing that we never really get around to it. Oh well, maybe when he's not working the day after tomorrow, we might just do that. It's never too late I always say.

I have to make sure Lily and Mimi are revising for their Measurement of Progress (MAP) tests this coming week. I'm so glad I haven't received any mails from the teacher if their grades fall below "C" grades. Whew...thank God! Meaning I have to make sure they are maintaining at least "B+" in all their subjects. And hope for all A's. (Insya Allah).

As for Yaya, she's getting along quite well in school despite not going to school for 5 months. Besides the core subjects, she's taking beginning guitar and she's quite good at it. It's nice to hear the strumming of guitar in the background everyday. (Now you can't complain to me saying you don't have any skills, ok?). :)
Lily's getting good in playing the recorder too. And Mimi plans to audition for the musical, "Mulan". I hope you get a part in the musical. We'll be rooting for you!

I guess my entry this time is quite random, oh well. Yeah! And Mimi, don't say..."Mom, don't!" ...coz' I know I am "cool" without even trying! hahaha! (roll eyes). And routines, routines...who needs them? Like I always do when I'm overwhelmed with routines, just curl yourself up in a sofa and think happy thoughts...(aka dreamland) and that always works for me...

Monday, September 21, 2009

Where have you been all my life?

This is my first time celebrating Eid ul Fitr in Saudi. Like the many Eids I celebrated away from Malaysia before, this Eid just seems like any other Eids. We went ballastic going to the open houses from morning til night, where the dishes like nasi impit ( substitute of ketupat nasi), kuah kacang, rendang, nasi beriyani, nasi dagang, laksam, and many more, just to name the few adorned the dining tables. Raya cookies (traditional and modern), fruit cakes and layered cakes on coffee tables added the final touch. Everyone was in a festive mood. You wouldn't believe it that you are not in Malaysia, judging from the way we dressed. The guys with baju Melayu and samping, some with ketayap (skull cap), some wearing jalabiya, whereas the ladies with colourful baju kurung or kebaya, even the kids are not spared. Some families went for the same colour themes. The atmosphere was heavy with festive moods. Good friend hugging each other, all feeling happy and merry.

Eids do bring the best in people. Because we believe in asking each other for forgiveness for any wrongdoings throughout the year during this holy month of Syawal, we shake hands and hug each other, the ladies especially, kiss each other on the cheeks. What merriment it is to see people getting along so fine, wouldn't it be nice to do that all year long for the rest of eternity? Hmm, that's something to ponder upon, right?

In my 43 years of age, I have come across all sorts of people from all walks of life. Some are nice and kind just for the goodness of it all whereas some are cocky, conceited and nasty to the T. And along the way I have befriended many beautiful and kind people and I cherished the friendships we have. Alhamdulillah, recently I met this sweet, unassuming lady right here in Dhahran, and she somehow struck the right kind of chord in my heart, making me feel so comfortable talking to her, about almost anything under the sun. We did mingled when we were in the crowds but somehow we ended up talking to each other again. I must say, I like her very much even in the short time that I got to know her. She is one fine lady and I am so glad to have made an acquantaince with her. I enjoy talking to her and I hope she does too. Even though I wish I've met her earlier, I am glad I got the chance to know her now. I hope she feels the same way about me.

To all my good friends wherever you are, near and far, I hope our lives are always blessed with prosperity, happiness, good health and loved ones. Eid Mubarak.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Are we in different planets?

Why do women express themselves by venting their anger, frustration, angst etc.etc so eloquently whereas men tend to bottle up their emotions and hope to get back on track soon enough? It always boggles my mind how men think and why they act accordingly...

Lately I've been reading about relationships between men and women and how differently their tracks of mind work. While women tend to let it all out accompanied by waterworks and rantings, men tend to mask their inner feelings by pretending nothing is out of the ordinary...

Well, I'm no psychology buff nor I am an expert on relationship stuff. I do from time to time got my message wrongly delivered as I intended but I always believe it is a two-way communication between a man and a women no matter how grossly different both are, physically and anatomically, hehehe! and of course mentally...yup, that's what I mean!

Take my hubby for an instance...he can be talkative and could blabber for hours about cars, politics, his job(his pride n joy), soccer, just to name a few...but once asked about what he thought about what women want and think, about how one's relationship could go awry, etc. etc. he would go clam shut and pretend that he didn't understand my question or simply change the subject...clever, clever! True enough, I learn that some things are better not to be dwelled with, end of story. Maybe that's what I love about him. He is a caring person who prefers not to discuss the inevitable, to him let's not wish for things you wouldn't want them to happen to you, and he would be happier for things to take it's course slow and steady, to him, it's better to let sleeping dog lie...which to me sometimes can be irritating and frustrating when I get a no comment from him or he just laugh it off. Like I asked him about what a husband expect from his wife after all these years, and he prefer to take a walk with me along the beach rather than argue with me about nothings..

I must admit I can be a pain in the a** sometimes coz' I tend to pick up a fight for nothing. It's the perils of being an educated person who likes to form strong opinions on lots of stuffs that sometimes she forgets the trials and tribulations that accompany life. I am thankful my hubby prefers to spend our evenings together walking and talking about stuffs we both enjoy doing. I am glad he is always there for me when I was in pain, when I delivered my children, when I was devastated by my mom's death and for being a sweet and caring husband. We may have our differences becoz' he is a man and I am a woman but that what God intended for us when we embark on this try to understand each other and at the same time have our own opinion and identity. In the end there's no correct way to handle relationships, but only compromising and understanding will lead the way.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Just not your day....

You know it's not your day when:
1. the shops you wanted to go to were closed just 5 minutes before.
2. the date you reserved for your moving day are cancelled due to last minute change in truck allocation.
3. the cake you baked turned into a pancake.
4. the drain pipe under your sink went burst out of the blue and you end up spending the whole afternoon cleaning up the mess.
5. the long-lost friend mistaken you for another long-lost friend.
6. you wanted to look as if you are not wearing any make-up but instead you looked like you just recovered from an illness.
7. the satelite tv went fizzed.
8. the internet connection took forever to get connected.

and I could go on and on until I bore myself to Good night everybody!!!!!=.=

Friday, July 31, 2009

They will happen, will they?

Things may not turn out as you planned but they will happen anyway, eventually, somehow or rather...I should know...I like to mind is churning with plans, ideas, etc. etc. until I couldn't get some shuteyes at night. I know it's not healthy to stay awake, tossing n turning, couldn't get to slumberland soon enough but I admit I have this disease of not able to immediately go to sleep especially when my dear beloved hubby has to work on night shifts. I guess I'm so used to have his warm body beside me that I just could not doze off that easily when he's not around. But what to do? It's his nature of work and I have to console myself by saying that it's only 7 nights at a time. Oh well...

But let's not get side-tracked here...What I'm trying to convey here is that I tend to plan for every single little things in my life that I'm beginning to feel frustrated when they don't materialize as I would like...They do happen but somehow they happen later than planned or they happen differently. And I have no power to avoid such situation coz' I have to rely on others...those who have authority to do so...And I keep on planning, n planning n get upset when it happens not as I planned...

OMG...I'm sounding like a broken turntable, keep on repeating the same agony over and over again. I must try to ease up a bit n let whatever will be will be...que sera sera...could I? I can only pray that Allah the Almighty would grant me the patience to persevere coz' I just feel like screaming my lungs out but too dignified to do so..erm?

I know, I know, it's the cycle I am having every year...and it's that time of the year! Once I get what I want I'll be alright! I should go jogging...n let the kids tag along...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Kodak Moments

I rarely post photos on my blog. I guess I am too lazy or IT challenged to do so...have to ask help from beloved hubby or the kids...So there you go, a few nice photos of me n family..
My family
The kids' silhouette on the asphalt.(don't mind the daughter forgot to set the correct should read 2009/04/20)
Mimi n Lily on Mimi's first Prom.

With Mak in Alor Setar just before our flight back to KL.

Actually I have more photos but since my hubby is working on the evening shift, I have to wait until his off day to get him to download more photos from the camera....that shows how IT challenged I really am...

BTW..the kids love my masala chickpea. Yummy and good too..

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

It' a Plan...Really...


1. Lose more weight...(you might ask..what's with me and excess weight? Well..I am obsessed with losing weight or I might say I prefer to maintain my weight to a comfortable number so that I don't feel slacking or become too lazy to do anything should I gain weight...get it?)..a nice small, round number in the kg would do me fine, thank you.

2. Therefore I should plan the healthy menu for the Iftar during the Ramadan month.

3. Exercise more a lot of sit-ups...ergh!

4. Start packing our stuffs for the's getting on my nerves that them people in appliances dept still having problems with providing the washer/dryer/fridge for the house?! Whutta? Well, I guess we people (meaning me'family) gotta have lots more patience then...

5. Start cleaning this house we're still in...gotta look good for them inspection people...not that the house needs more cleaning anyway...looks kinda fine to me...(I work hard people...yeah, right).

So that's the short-term plan anyway...with the exception of no 1 which is definitely a long-term I always say I could not and would not let myself go without fighting...hehe!

My mind is utterly blank right now...can't really think of anything of value to write about...I'm lost for words...they just don't come easy nowadays...soon I hope when the dust has settled then my brain would start flowing with so-called creative juices which would be worth reading!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

You Are What You Eat

I know, I know...the title says it all...after all it's a borrowed phrase from a famous tv show on BBC Food. When I was in Sudan I used to watch a lot of this program, me being a health freak. I got hooked on eating right, exercising and all that jazz until I turn people off with my healthy talks. I don't know, I guess I don't like getting sick often coz' I enjoy being in good health which means I have lots of energy to deal with my kids' demands. Yeah, like "Mom, can you help me with this and that", "lets go swimming Mom", " I want cookies etc. etc. etc." and stuffs...well you know what I mean. And I have to exercise because if I don't believe me I'll get that period pain so unbearable sometimes I cried like a baby...yep, I've check with the problem whatsoever...Thank God but I still get the pain. One girl friend of mine even jokingly said maybe because I gave birth by C-sections and my cervix is small which makes it possible that my period pain is painful...she's no doctor but it does makes sense...Hmm...

Ok..where were we...Oh talks...I'm lucky my kids are not that demanding when it comes to long as the food is tasty they'll gobble it up in an instant...haha! Just kidding. I believe we should teach our kids on eating healthy early in their life. Therefore, let's start with breakfast...I know it's convenient to just give them cereal for the morning...but mind you make sure the cereal you serve is not laden with sugar...a no-no. My kids like Post's Shredded Wheat, Post's Honey Bunches...just to name the few. No doubt they are kinda pricey but heck of course you want your kids to be healthy and smart right? One surefire oatmeal prepared with cocoa and milk with a sprinkle of raisins...mmm-mmm...sheer delight!

Hookay...I've read an article saying that if you want to maintain a healthy weight, try not to eat a variety of food in your diet ( meaning eating the same kind of food everyday) must include lots of veges and fruits and drink lots of water..and please people, don't mistaken a diet with not eating kinda diet coz' so many of us would say we are on diet which means we are not eating or we are cutting down on food by a half. For the past 43 years, I've been eating regular food and not on a diet but I try to exercise as much as I could. I must admit sometimes I get derailed especially after I got back from Sudan and indulging myself to Malaysian cuisine like crazy for the first 3 months. Luckily I managed to get back on track and I made a point to get on my treadmill everyday for 30 minutes without ain't easy anymore. When I was in my mid 30's it's easy to lose 2-3 kg in a month, but now to lose 1 kg in a month means I must starve myself...which I'm not willing to do...hahaha! I just enjoy eating food...delicious food. So, my solution is not too worry too much with the weight but to exercise and tone the muscle and to eat healthily. That means eating yogurt, antioxidant-laden fruits and raw salad, wholemeal bread, capati and lots of fish, and drinking homemade juice.

So, the family and I embark on this healthy regiment of eating right. We would eat rice once a day as our early dinner with fish curry and grilled fish and veges, sometimes raw, sometimes cooked (just to give an example). Because for lunch we would eat wholemeal sandwich with tuna or smoked turkey breast layered with ripe tomatoes and Romaine lettuce. The kids just loved the sandwich I made for them. I guess it was prepared with lots of love...which makes it so tasty, right kids?

Stop the press...this just in...those who don't like kangkung or water spinach must be vegetable haters coz' my kids said kangkung tastes great especially if you fry it with soysauce and anchovies...awesome said Mimi....and let me tell you, I've met a lot of people who don't like veges in general but they say they don't mind eating there you have it...after all these hard work and is hard to stay healthy, I can only pray that my family and I would have the best of health always...God willing.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

R.I.P. Michael

My eyes could not help but tearing up during the memorial for Michael Jackson last night...ever since I was a teenager in a boarding school, I've always liked his music and the way he moved. I was mesmerized by his songs, his moonwalks and precise dance-steps, though no way I can emulate his steps, that never stopped me from singing along and dancing to his songs...

He was a human being after all...those who knew him gave heart-rending descriptions of what he was like in life...the emotional outpours of love from friends and family really showed that he was just as normal as you and me and not like what the tabloids made him to be...and to quote what Al Sharpton said to his kids..."there was nothing strange about your daddy, but it was strange which your daddy had to deal with "... and it breaks my heart when his daughter spoke of him as the best father you could ever imagined....

Goodbye Michael. Maybe it hasn't sank in yet but the world has lost the brightest star that ever lived...Your music continue to transcend all barriers and limits. R.I.P. the King of Pop...

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Bored Woman Talking

I've been one busy mom lately, what with the kids having the end-of-school year activities such as Poetry Celebration, Learning Celebration, Band and Choir Graduation, Beach Party, etc. etc. just to name a few. The thing with the school here, parents are totally involved with the kids' activities and programs...sometimes they want us to bake cookies or muffins for their class parties or we have to go to the school to watch them in poetry recitation or concert.

I'm really glad to see them settled nicely in their new school. I know it's hard to make new friends everytime we move to a new place. Somehow or rather the kids adjust well to the new surrounding better than their mom. Maybe being kids you don't really dwell with pettiness as compared to adults. The thing with adults (and I mean women) is we tend to bother too much about who's the better cook, great decorator, best mom, who has more bags (designers', not eye bags) etc. etc. My kids' only concern is when do they get to eat...haha!

I'm a bit bored I guess. I need to do something that would stimulate me...but for now I'm at a total loss for stuffs to do. Haven't been drawing for quite a while...maybe I'll start now. Gardening? Have to wait until we move to Dhahran. No point creating a masterpiece garden only to be left behind. My hubby said why not try watercolor painting...hmm...haven't done that for a loooong time. Don't know whether I still have it in me in watercolor painting. Guess I have to start somewhere, right? And oh yeah, I stink (sort of) at baking...

I've been watching the Late Show with Dave Letterman and today he said something about "Jon and Kate and 8plus" which went something like this..."who are Jon and Kate and where did they come from" and showed some insignificant footage of their big tv announcement about getting a divorce...hahaha! Hillarious! Yeah that's so much that sums it...who the hell care whether they are together or divorcing...such publicity-crazed couple...

Didn't I just mention that I sort of stink at baking? I got this book called How to be a Domestic Goddess by Nigella Lawson from Ras Tanura Library and thought that maybe I'll start being one hopefully. I've always been quite good at making Malay pineapple tarts but that's the only thing I'm really good at. Having no oven before really hampers my desire to bake mouth-watering muffins, moist chocolate cakes and crispy-on-the outside but chewy-on-the inside chocolate chips cookies. But excuses anymore...So having researched for countless recipes and reading books on baking, yesterday I ventured on baking a simple sugar cookies for Mimi to bring to her "Study Hall" party and although I can say I was not really proud of the cookies' appearance but the taste was quite delish. So I just pray that the kids would love them no matter how they look like. And when Mimi came home later she said all the kids in her Study Hall group loved them. It was a sellout. Wow! I guess I'm on the road to being a domestic goddess then. That's good enough incentive for me to continue baking and to brush up my artistic skill so that my cookies would look more presentable next time. I wanted to post the photo of the sugar cookies but before I know it they vanished into thin air (my kids ate them all, almost...).

I reckon I'm on a mission now...

Sunday, June 14, 2009

May Allah Bless Her Soul

I'm just writing this to drown my deep sorrow on the passing of my former principal Puan Khadijah Karim a few moments ago...although I don't really know the details except for the fact that she suffered from lung cancer, I feel I should write something, like a tribute to her.

She literally transformed the life of hundreds of awkward girls into charming young ladies that led to the sucess of so many professionals in various fields. Her beautiful face graced the hallowed path of our school corridors with so much style and elegance. I remember when we were young, clumsy and uncouth, she taught us to be sophisticated and ladylike. Especially on how to behave and learn the proper social etiquette.

My first impression of her was somewhat strongly planted in my mind until now. She came to my high school when I was in Form 2. The first time I saw her she was wearing a plain blouse and a flare skirt with a flowered scarf tied around her neck. She was fair and tall, like a Eurasian. Her English was impeccable. She has a strong quality of confidence about her and she smelled nice too. She didn't make you feel afraid of her but she commanded respect. I remember her stopping us from running to the dining hall and told us that young ladies should walk not run.
We learned to eat using knife, fork and spoon and putting napkins on our laps. Suddenly all of us became dainty and cultured all thanks to her. It's like going to a finishing school in Europe without having to pay exorbitant fees.

I remember when she looked at my SPM results and complimented me on my achievements. It really mean a lot coming from someone you looked up to. I sometimes saw her at my sister's restaurant in JB,(after she no longer the principal of my high school and me just got back from the USA) buying my sister's kuih muih. My sister knew her well coz' she used to teach at my sister's school before coming to my school.

After so many years, I never stop thinking about her from time to time. Sometimes I would asked my sister about her. Maybe we are too busy and too occupied with our own life that we never once thought that those who made such big impact on our lives are gone forever. I'll pray that she will rest in peace and May Allah bless her soul. Goodbye Puan KD, I'll always remember you in my prayers. Al Fatihah.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

43 isn't Fatal!!

Whoa...does time really fly that fast? Somehow I don't feel I'm 43 and yet here I am...Like the tv ad in the 80's back when I was in the States, where "Dynasty" was a highly-rated primetime soap opera, Krystle Carrington (Linda Evans) was endorsing this "Forever Krystle" perfume, her famous catchphrase was " being 40 isn't fatal" and tell you the truth I just couldn't agree more. Saved for a few hiccups here and there like the flu I just recovered from, I feel great and never felt better in fact. Maybe years of trying to eat healthily (still trying) and exercise whenever I can, help. I know it's tough to stick to the healthy regiment (hmm..I sound like a drill sergeant) but always hang in there, I always say.

For the birthday my beloved hubby bought a beautiful red-embroideries-at-the-cuff black abaya for apt for a birthday present (it's the most expensive abaya I have to date)...well I couldn't ask for a better present coz' we ladies can only wear black abayas in use buying me colourful blouses since I don't get to wear them in public here.

Anyway, we went to Al Khobar, to Malaysian Kitchen for my birthday lunch. I ordered Cantonese Kue Teow and Orange's quite good. The rest of my family ate nasi goreng, kue teow goreng etc. etc. then my hubby ordered two sets of chicken satey ( about 6 sticks per set) which was really good. I had a fabulous time yesterday, we went to Al Rasheed Mall to eat Haagen Dazs ice-cream...Mommy got to eat two scoops of coconut macaroon and belgian chocolate ice-cream with decorated with sugarcone waffles and chocolate syrup...yummy! (I wasn't so much a fan of cakes so this was the best substitute!)

Since it is weekend here in Saudi, initially I planned to cook something special...but deferred the plan for the next day since we ate out....we arrived home at around 11:00 pm. All in all it was fun and could not ask for anything more. Thanks Luv, and you kids too for making Mommy the happiest yesterday.

My wish as always...May Allah always bless my family and me and make us better in all aspects of our lives. Grant us good health and halal wealth and may our lives always in His tender care.


p/s. I'll post my latest pic in my new abaya soon...hehe!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Under the weather

Down with flu, these couple of days...can't sleep very well, went to see a Primary Care Physician, he gave antibiotics for my infection ( seems I had E.coli in my urine, thus me getting this flu.) High fever gradually subsides after 2 courses of ibuprofen and Ciprofloxacin tablets. Body still weak, aching all over, feel like sleeping all the time.

Follow-up visit just now, given a Ok by the good Doc, but my mouth still feels blaah (if there's such a word) and can't help feeling the blues? Waiting to pick up hubby later in the afternoon, maybe that'll cheer me up. My poor children! Wait till mommy gets better and I'll cook something special for you guys.

Funny, my hubby said maybe I get sick because my birthday is coming...(macam babies beralih bulan) does he think I'm a baby? Maybe...lately I need lots of TLC...especially from him....tsk..tsk...

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Happy Mother's Day

Every year for the past three years on Mother's day, I'd feel a bit melancholic thinking about my late mother, who had passed away in 2006. I've never given her any cards for Mother's Day when she was alive coz' I felt that no card could amount to her sacrifices in raising us her children, alone without her husband, my father, who passed away when I was two. To me my mom's sacrifices were too grand to compare. Instead I always kissed and hugged her, hoping she would stay healthy and lived a long life. However Allah loves her more and I pray and hope that Allah would grant her paradise in the Afterlife. Amin.

I've always admired her even though I've never told her so. She was the tower of strength and my mentor in everything I do. We may had many differences in opinion and how we handled things since she was of the old school but the time we spent together talking and reminiscing were cherished forever in my heart. I always cherished the time we spent at the canteen of my high school, she pouring her hearts out telling me her grievances whereas I sat opposite her, weeping silently. She never failed to visit me, bringing home-cooked food and delicacies she so famous for. I miss her so dearly and I wish I could turn back time so that I could say I love her one more time. Al-Fatihah.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Time is of no essence

I thought I'd have more time now that the kids and I have settled down here in Ras Tanura. Mimi and Lily have started schooling in Ras Tanura School (yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, how creative the name is...hmm...well when I first put my feet onto the school ground, I myself felt that I wanna be in that quiet and peaceful...makes you feel at home, the teachers and staff there are so friendly you'd never feel lost and lonely anymore!!!). Even the students are friendly and helpful...

The kids got on the bus to go to school, which is a relief to me since I don't have to be their driver anymore. I can even leave the door unlocked if I want to go to the commissary for marketing or simply gallivanting around the camp, driving around as long as I don't go beyond the security gates. The neighbourhood in the A**mco camp is so safe you can see kids of all ages bicycling, skateboarding or scootering on the roads because all motorists in the camp have to abide by the speed limits set by the A**mco security and if you break the rules it will be costly for you especially your hubby since a certain amount of money will be deducted from his payroll for any traffic violations in the camp...but it was much worse outside in the Saudi roads since you could spend 3 days in the lock-up for a certain traffic offence!

Well, enough about that. What I meant to say is, I thought I'd have more time now with me not being a driver anymore. But new issue kept cropping up. I realised that not being able to drive outside the camp means I have to wait for my hubby to drive me around for shopping trips to the malls. Since my beloved hubby's job is in shifts I'd have to adjust my time subject to his availability. Which come up to me having limited time to go shopping with friends since I prefer not to go out if he's having his off days and if his shifts start at nights he'll be at home during the day. I could not go out if he's at home resting (not that he doesn't allow me to go but I just don't feel like going when he's around...maybe I just love being in his company even if I have to listen to his snoring away, fast-asleep-on-the-couch kind of company..) and to make things worse I don't have my ID yet in order for me to go out with friends, and to take the bus ride as all A**mco personnels and dependents must have IDs. Talk about limitations...I got a major adjusting to do coming from a place where you can do as you please be it driving and walking alone to having the male driving for you or going in groups to shop. To me it's not really a big deal but how I wish I don't have to disturb my hubby's rest just to bring me to the tailor for my abayas. Oh well, what's a girl to do?

Also, having them back for lunch break everyday at 11:30 am to 12:20 pm means I have to prepare lunch for them be it tuna sandwich or a simple rice and chicken curry and stir-fried veges or pizza or burger and fries for them. I feel that the kids must have some proper meals and what better ways than to have them eat home-prepared grubs? Which means what limited time I have left to be spent on me entirely? I guess the anwer would be almost zilch!! Oh woe is me...before coming here I was thinking of maybe indulging in getting my hands in dirt and soil...yep some really serious gardening!! might think Wow! How interesting? Hehehe! Tell you the truth I love to garden...if that's the right phrase...but for now I have to let it go for until that time when the time is of abundance, I shall rejoice and indulge passionately planting seeds of promising blooms all for me to savour and cherish...Hehe! (Thank God for the Bangla gardener who tenaciously rakes the leaves and weeds the grass to make my lawn look presentable...) Hmm, so many things on the planning but so far nothing done...Hehe!

Maybe, just maybe, my lack of time was due to the fact that there were lots of invitations from other fellow Malaysians for makan2 (usually big feasts) and being new means it would be nice to meet and make new friends. No doubt I feel the jitters everytime I have to make new acquaintances. Once I get to know them, it becomes easier for me to talk and mingle..So far the Malaysians here are nice and very welcoming. It's such a nice change from living in KL where everybody's so busy with their rat-raced lives.

(One more thing...I went to my junior Srikandi's house during lunch. She was of '85 batch whereas I was of '83 batch. Yeah, it's a small world...never thought that I got to see my ex-schoolmates again after all these years. The fault lies with me coz' I've never even bothered to keep in touch with them for more than 20 years, saved for a few I chanced to meet at various shopping complexes. Maybe it's my inferiority complex which hinders me from keeping in touch. I always feel that a srikandi should hold a very glamourous and powerful position in a successful multinational company. Or at least has a job, any job... Hence my absence from gatherings organized by the Srikandis...But I know I've got the best job in the world, a full-time job...)

Today, as I rearrange the furniture furnished temporarily by A**mco in the living room, I kept on thinking about how lovely my life actually is...My kids adore me and my hubby is wonderful to me...that I cherish every moment spent with them...maybe, just maybe I don't need a time of my own, for I am happiest when I'm with them.....

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A Bumpy Ride

Yes...the title says it all, literally. It's been day three in Ras Tanura and so far so good. My beloved hubby has gone to work really early in the morning, at 5 a.m. for his morning shift. I've got lots of time to prepare a late lunch for him as he would arrive home at 3 p.m. So for the time being I think I would do some blogging before all these crazy ideas for my post evaporate into thin air...hahaha!

It all started with my hubby coming home 3 months after he left us to start his new job in Saudi Arabia. I remember all of us (my daughters and I) were really excited and we waited for the airport limo to arrive in baited breath. My kids always like to shout "SURPRISE" at him whenever he opens the door after a trip somewhere. This time it was no different. The minute my hubby turned the key, they synchronously shouted the word...Hehehe! It always make him smile...

I might wonder, what bumpy ride? Well, let me tell you in my long-winded kind of way. I prefer to tell my story chronologically so that my story won't get all jumbled up and lost in translation. Yeah..some might say..Boring, but everyone is entitled to his opinion. Hmm..there I go again being boring when I know I should go on with my story...

Well, here goes...At first we were planning to go to Saudi in March. We have secured our entry visa and the process went rather smoothly. However little did I know that everything was not as easy as it looked or sounded. What with my hubby having to apply for leave, booking a flight with forever fully-booked Em*r*tes Airlines, and tending to millions of unfinished business in KL, enough to make me scream like a mad hatter. We were running around for three days to settle our housing loan and appoint the lawyer, topping up our utilities bills, transferring our Astro subscription to Alor Setar and terminating our broadband and phone line as well. Thank God for our reliable scooter for it really helped us save time when we really need to go to various places with the time constraint.

Then the nightmare begins. On the fourth day after my beloved hubby returns, our children were sent off to KLIA for a midday M*S flight to Alor Setar whilst my hubby and me would drive our old but reliable 19-year-old car to Alor Setar. After seeing the kids off, we decided to go to the bank to get a replacement for my hubby's damaged credit card. One thing after another, we went back to our house and this and that, we began to upload things to bring back to Alor Setar. I wanted to give Mak and Kak Anis some Correlle dining sets I bought in Dubai last year. I also packed a large suitcase full of used clothes to give to the needy (so that Kak Anis can distribute them to the poor when she has the time). Arriving slightly before midnight, with Mak still waiting in the living room, we chatted awhile before turning in for the night. We didn't have much time to spend in Alor Setar but for one day, since we are flying out on the midnight of 11 April, which is much to Mak's dismay, but at least we got to say goodbye to her and others. We flew back to KL in A*rAs*a early evening flight and reached home just about dusk. I don't know why my hand suddenly unzipped one suitcase near the aquarium and lo and behold...the suitcase full of used clothes was what about the heavy suitcase we uploaded into the car's boot? OMG!!! I mistakenly brought back a suitcase full of Iranian carpets I intended to use in my new house in Saudi...What a bummer!!!

I tried to look at it this way, if we were to bring that suitcase, we might not be able to bring other stuff as it already weighed 30kg. So in place of the carpets I managed to add in a few other stuff and still within the allowable excess baggage limit that A**mco set for everyone of us. So I consoled myself by knowing that I would bring the carpets in December when I go back for the holidays. Ok...not really a nightmare you might say...

One that really got on my nerves was the issuing of the replacement credit card by the bank. My hubby had already applied for the new one on the day he arrived and since he's been a member since 1991 that should be quite a reason to ask the bank to expedite the replacement. Alas, they dilly-dallied and felt that my hubby should wait for the normal process of 7 days new card issuance. We did go to the bank asking for a special prerogative, (since we only had one day and we need the card for easy transactions whenever we travel) knowing that we never default our payment and always paid in full at the end of the billing period. I guess in Malaysia it doesn't pay to dress casually and keep a low profile appearance coz' people really judge you by your have to act rich to get people to be nice and attentive...what's the world coming to I ask....enough said.

Well, enough is enough! My hubby simply said he couldn't wait until Saturday coz' by that time we'd already be gone, and he told the bank officer to tell the card centre to destroy the new card. He said to me if worse comes to worst we'd only use my supplementary card and wait until December to get his card replaced. All this for being a loyal customer? We even contemplating terminating the bank's service and opening a new account with M**b*nk. Feeling frustrated and flustered we went home. So you see..we were in a roller-coaster ride already, going up and down and a free fall before going in a loop. All these not only overwhelmed me, but making me dizzy all the same...

The credit card story just won't let go. The next day while we were in Alor Setar, sometime around 10 a.m. the people from card centre called and informed us that the card is ready for collection at the bank that day. My hubby told them he's in Alor Setar and could not collect the card. He again told them to simply destroy the card..but suddenly membership has its privileges, they insisted my hubby get the card (they relentlessly called him to make sure he would accept) even though the next day was Saturday and the bank's closed, they decided to poslaju the card so my hubby can collect it at the poslaju centre in Taman Sh*m*lin, Cheras on Saturday.After a run around with the poslaju people, we finally got the newly replaced card. Whew!!! What a relief.

After all the errands done, we did some last minute cleaning and packing. With the exception of the carpet suitcase, our total baggage consists of 3 large suitcases, 1 medium and 2 small bags plus 5 big boxes and a smaller box consists of dried chilies and anchovies. (I know, I know, you might ask do I need to bring all these? What can I say, there are some things like anchovies from Malaysia you cannot get elsewhere. Those who are in Sudan would definitely relate with this...)

So at 9 p.m. the airport van arrived to pick us up. Since we had so many baggage, we asked a cabbie friend to come too. My kids and I went with the van and my hubby went with his cabbie friend. The journey was quite uneventful just like every other countless journeys to the KLIA before. Again, I don't know why my right hand suddenly reached out for my Quicksilver backpack but nothing was under the seat! OMG!!! Not again...I didn't seem to remember where my backpack was...I asked Yaya whether she has my bag but negative. without thinking I called my neighbour Salha and ask her to look inside my house for the bag pack. I couldn't afford to miss the bag pack as it contained our birth certificates, the children's school reports and many other important documents needed here. I was in the verge of tears when I called my hubby and told him the situation. I know he was exasperated with me...I've never been like this before, usually I was calm and organized even in the most under pressured situation. It's not like I never used to moving around before but I felt that this time it really overwhelmed me. I am very lucky to have friends like my neighbours Salha and Rashidi who without any hesitance drove all the way to KLIA to bring my forgotten backpack which I left near the plant pot outside my grilled door (that showed how scatter-brained I've become). Thanks a lot guys...I owe you one.

The Horror! The Horror! I just could not imagine what I'm gonna do if Salha and Rashidi were not at home! I know for sure I have to go back and fetch the bag myself if I have to...could not afford to miss the back pack definitely. Then everything started to go smoothly and I could not help but being thankful to Allah the Almighty for giving me strength to endure during these trying times. Even our excess baggage which is 1 kg over the stipulated limit of 125kg was settled quite satisfactorily as we only need to pay for 104kg. Whew..imagine if we have to pay RM100 for every 1kg excess ourselves!!! Sayang duit! Well, anyway, I was glad everything went without a hitch and we reached Dubai around 4.30 a.m. safe and sound. We checked in into L* M*r*d*en Hotel at 6 a.m. and had breakfast before retiring to our rooms. The children had their own twin suite and beloved hubby and I had another one. I guess all the strains, insomniac nights, the labours of spring cleaning and packing took their toll on me as I lay my head onto the soft cushiony pillow on the bed. My beloved hubby too was not spared...he too was in deep slumber...

We woke up at 1 p.m. and freshen up a bit then we proceed to have lunch at the cafe house. There were an Easter party organized by some schools and there were Easter bunny and Barney the dinosaur. The atmosphere was heavy with little kids screaming and loud music playing. Somehow or rather we were too hungry to be bothered by all that. I guess we were hungry and tired too coz' after that we fell asleep again. Hahaha! Totally conked out!!!

Then the time came for us to go to the airport for our connecting flight to Dammam, KSA, and usually we would do some shopping in the Duty Free Section before going to the Em*r*t*s Lounge. I bought J Lo Sunkissed Glow perfume for me and my hubby settled for Aramis Classic. We bought a Casio watch for Yaya. I always look forward to eat at the lounge coz' the beriani there is nice and I love Mediterranean Meze like Hummus and Labneh. About 45 minutes before boarding time we proceeded to Gate 214 to wait for the boarding announcement. There were so many Indonesian maids and those people from "benua kecil" among others waiting. Just then the announcement for first class and business class passenger filled the whole waiting lounge and suddenly these people charged forward, all queeing closely to each other with little breathing space...making it quite difficult for us to pass through. I tried to look at it this way, I pity all these people having to work far, far away from their country with measly wages and leaving their family behind. One funny moment when the Em*r*t*s lady asked them to make way for the first and business class passengers to board first, one guy muttered out loud.."why always first and business class..*#@&!!" Hehehe! No doubt they too want to get to their seats first.

Once the plane began to take off, I couldn't help having a surreal feeling. We were on our way to Dammam and all sorts of mixed feeling swept over me. Did I miss my house in BTHO? Would I like it here, etc. etc? At last I told my beloved hubby that I don't want to eat anything, I just want to sleep. That's so typical of me...I found solace in sleep...weird huh? But lately sleep has become a luxury so hard to get and any opportunity I can get I'd try to have some shuteye even just for a few minutes. However, the bumpy ride that clouded our moving to KSA came to a climax when the flight from Dubai to Dammam was embroiled into one really turbulent flight that the stewardesses could not even offer all of us dining service. (Good thing we had eaten at the lounge) It was raining at that time in Qatar, Bahrain and then in Dammam, Dhahran and Ras Tanura. Can you imagine the desert of Arabia having so much rain? My hubby said to me maybe hujan rahmat (a blessing) to welcome you and the kids...Yeah, I think so too.

The procedures in Dammam airport went quite well despite being kept in line at the immigration for quite a while but once we got through everything went as a breeze. Even the custom officer greeted me with "Apa khabar" knowing us to be Malaysian and didn't even open our baggages and boxes. Whew! What a relief! The privilege of being Malaysians. Alhamdulillah. I guess the turbulent flight concluded our journey moving from Malaysia to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia with a Bang!! That's the end of our bumpy ride which I hope would not occur again anytime soon. My heart could not take it anymore...Hahaha!

I guess now that I'm here with my beloved hubby and kids, I would once again find sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and contented...

Friday, March 6, 2009

Extreme Spring Cleaning

Well, I guess I won't be able to stay blogging for quite a while since the time is looming near and I have to do a massive spring cleaning for my humble abode or it won't be humble anymore if I were to leave it just like that for a year before coming back in December for a short vacation. What a mouthful!!! And handful too!!!! Really I have no choice but to do some extreme tidying up coz' ever since I got back from Sudan I've accumulated lots of junks (I think) I don't really care for. Such memories in papers and ticket stubs just begging not to be thrown away and I never have the heart to anyway...well, I have no choice but to discard them physical materials and let the sweetness of those memories stay embedded in my heart and mind only...

I just wanna turn over a new leaf (my eldest would surely rolls her eyes and says "sure Mom"...) and start packing little by little and when the time comes I'd be ready to pick up my baggages and boxes and go without having the worries...I've been to many places before and one thing for sure..I'd wait until the last minute to pack and this not only aggravate the tension but also the worries whether I've taken everything I need...Mind you, I'm not travelling alone...there're always 5 of us..and this time around we are moving to a new country and will only be back in December, insya Allah. So whether I like it or not I'd better get up and get going...there're so many to put away in boxes, to throw in the dump, to bring along and to be kept where they are...This I hope to accomplish in 2 weeks becoz' by week 3 there'll be more tasks at hand...

Packing and unpacking have becoming a big part of my life...I guess I was born to be everywhere...hehe!

Hope to be back blogging maybe in April after I've settled down over there...Adios or more appropriately...Ma'asalaama...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Mommy of the Year Blog Award

Actually I was feeling rather bored and didn't feel like writing anything at all, however I like to accept a challenge...yep, I consider this a challenge and somehow this would boost my morale which is pretty low nowadays...

I guess I'm still new at blogging and have a lot to learn from fellow bloggers who are full of life experiences that they willingly share with others. I follow the blogs silently with the exception of my Srikandi friends' blogs...which I sometimes made stupid remarks and hope to be clever...haha!

My Srikandi friend, TM posted this Mom of the Year blog award and chose 5 bloggers including moi for the award..Thanks Yatt, I must have done something good to deserve this. Ahem...I would like to thank my late mother for being a wonderful mom and hope I can live up to the expectation...I also like to thank my hubby for tolerating my temperament especially when I blew my top (naik angin)..and last but not least my source of inspiration...the 3 princesses...without whom this award would be meaningless....

Well guys the award came with a price...(no free meal right Yatt) and these are the rules to adhere to:

1. Admit one thing you feel awful about (involving being a mom). Once you have written it down, you are no longer allowed to feel bad. Remember you are a good mom!

2. List 7 things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you.

3. Send this to 5 other moms of the year that deserve a reminder that they too are the best moms that they can be. Remember to send them a note letting them know you have selected them, and also add a link to your post that directs people back to the person who nominated you.

So Yatt, I'll try my best to creatively give interesting answers so that you guys don't fall asleep reading this post...ok? Well, here goes nothing.....

The thing I feel awful about:

1. There're lots of things I feel awful about when it involves my kids...but I am the type of person who never really dwell in the past with scorn and regret. Anyway, I feel awful when I sometimes become impatient with the kids hence the yelling at the top of my lungs...I must admit I have a short fuse and am easily ignited...hehe! I keep on praying that I'll be more patient when dealing with them... (and Yatt, I do sometimes become like that "mom" on the Mom Song, hehe!...though not always...)

2. The 7 things: let me count the ways...

1. I love my children unconditionally and they love me the their eyes I am their hero..and they are my heroes. I would do anything for them and the feeling is mutual.

2. Because they love me unconditionally...they love my cooking too...even if the food is bizzare?? Well, I love to concoct my own pasta creations using this and that and still manage to win rave reviews...hehe! But seriously I love cooking for them.

3. I love the fact that they are smart and funny children. They do a lot of self-study without having to go for tuitions..(the fact that the mom was a former teacher also helps...) and always get outstanding results. They became self reliant after studying in the international school in Sudan thus become more out-spoken and creative, not to mention great improvement in the English language. I am truly proud of them.

4. We share a lot of things, girl talks, school stuffs, everyday happenings and even when I was down in the dump or feeling sorry for myself or being under the weather, they are there to cheer me up always. Sometimes offering moral support, or simply by doing the household chores and fetching things for me when I was too weak to lift my aching body...they are my life..

5. I love watching them (and I mean literally). Each of them is unique with different talents and personalities. Yaya, the eldest is always responsible and serious, a hardworking and disciplined girl, and slowly blossoming into a great young lady. Mimi, the second one, a slow-coach but what a creative mind she's got, with no sense of time but once she put her mind to do something, it'll get done, although she likes to appear clueless, she's full of creative juices...And Lily, my sweet worrier, always caring and loving, a bit shy, but behind that exterior, a talented girl capable of melting your heart with her cute antics.

6. I love going out with them. Since my hubby is away, there're only 4 of us and we go out together often. Usually we went to a shopping complex nearby our housing area. Basically we like to watch movies and eat out when we go there. Then I would buy groceries and go home. (I don't really fancy shopping and neither do they. Once I had to buy trainers for them and what a drag it was having to shop from one store to another, but they were well-mannered and followed me quietly. I guess they didn't want to aggravate the tension I have everytime I go shopping. But I'm glad that's over...)

7. My kids look up to me. I try to inculcate high moral values and self-disciplines in all my children but one thing for sure I allow rooms for them to grow, to think, to explore and to enjoy what life has to offer. My late mother was very open-minded and supportive in every decisions I've made, therefore I want to instill that same kind of assurance to my children, letting them know that their mom is behind them every step of the way.

And the 5 deserving moms...( they are all working moms (all my Srikandi's friends) and I salute them for being super wonderful!!)

TM - You deserved the accolade dear... with you having 5 kids and a wonderful career and always manage to keep your weight in check *wink* what with you cooking delicious food :). You still look the same just like when I met you in Dayabumi years ago...(ingat tak?).

Lea - You also deserved this dear, what with being a busy career woman and having a wonderful business to boot. I pray you'll always be successful in your life, raising your 3 children and having a fantastic life with your hubby and family.

Tearose - Mother of 6...need I say more? Yong, you're an inspiration. A wonderful person with an aura of calmness and joyous demeanour. One feels that one can tell you anything. Keep it up.

Shana - You are one multi-faceted person who singled-handedly deal with many aspects of life. You are what they say...behind every sucessful man is his woman...and you depict grace and charm for every occasions...the sweet charming girl I used to know now has grown into a sophisticated lady...

Ins - You are the testimony of how great the tribulation life sometimes rise above the ocassion and go to greater heights. I am proud to have known you and learn from you.

So there you have it... I am just a simple person who prefers to spend my time with my hubby and kids. I get great joy having them with me all the time. I am afraid one day I have to let them go, but I pray to Allah that wherever they will be, they'll never forget their roots. Insya Allah.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

V is for Valentine

My Valentine memories were a mixture of surprises, elations and heartbreaks...well in a sense they were...While most couples celebrate Valentine's Day with chocolates and flowers, candlelight dinners and romantic nights, I never really care about this particular day until I met my hubby. Always full of surprises and I remember my first Valentine was when he surprised me with a vase of yellow roses beautifully arranged and a Hallmark card saying "Would you be my Valentine" and signed "Your Secret Admirer" delivered by FTD florist. (Of course I know it was from him...hehe!) In fact I wasn't the one accepting the bouquet but my roomate K Jo. I thought it was for her until she called my name...Hmm..never ever had an admirer before...

Well, for the first time in my life that day I gave some thoughts about Valentine's Day. Courting days were fun becoz' we were in the stage where we wanted to impress one another...Now after three daughters and almost 18 years of marriage, I don't really give a hoot anymore about Valentine's Day coz' I prefer to have everyday of my life being loved, cared for, being in the arms of loved ones and appreciating each other even for little things. heartbreaks came when I was apart from my beloved, longing for each other so desperately..

I wish every married couples would spend everyday looking at each other's eyes and renew their love for one another by simply whispering sweet tender words that mean more than flowers and candies...And spend the days helping each other with household chores or simply vege-ing out in front of the telly and holding hands..wouldn't that be nice for a change?

We tend to take each other for granted after so many years that we forgot why we marry each other in the first place. Where were the flirtings that adorned our countless dates during those days of courting? What happened to us that we seldom look into each other's eyes anymore? Whatever happened to those tremors you felt in your heart when he made eye contact with you?

No doubt, the trials and tribulations of married life only make us wiser, that once we passed the greatest hurdle in our path, our life became more meaningful...How many of us managed to stay sane and persevere? And only hope for the better...if not best..

Most people celebrate Valentine's day filled with romantic notions and hopes. Cherish the love that we have and make it grow with more love and understanding and keep reminding ourselves about the great times we spent together, reminiscing but knowing life isn't all bed of roses, even roses have thorns...

Wish everybody Happy Valentine's Day and especially to my wonderful adoring children, your mommy loves you all very3 much in every waking moments. Muah..Muah..

To my darling, of course I'll always be your Valentine and you mine. Hope our days ahead will be filled with much more love and understandings.

"Our song"

On lighter notes:
"By all means marry; if you get a good wife you'll be happy; if you get a bad one you'll become a philosopher. " -Socrates

"Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her way. And second, let her have it." -Lyndon B. Johnson (US President)

Love is like the measles; we all have to go through with it." -Jerome K. Jerome

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The Mom Song

Guys...this is really cool. I was rofl-ing (O__o)...(sorry, this is my daughter's computer talk...well, I am not a digithead, so there). Hope anybody who happen to bump into this crazy journal would get a pleasant viewing for once...hehehe!

Thanks to my friend Ummi for sending me this really cool video...Enjoy guys!!!

Never an Open Book

It's almost a fortnight since my last crazy post. Actually I am beginning to have this writer's block...not much of a writer but I find that by writing it really helps me untangle this haphazard web of ideas that nested in my twisted mind...heh heh! Even my kids call me a weirdo..hmm..maybe I am.

I am not trying to be something I am not. In fact I'm happy with what I am. I must admit I don't do much networking or socializing coz' I prefer to stay at home, doing MY things...which is pretty much nothing..hahaha!

Sometimes the more you get to know a person the more you hate what he/she represents. Some people are just people person. Trust me, I'm not. My kids will give a testimony to that. I have this split personality complex that I really loathe and wish it wasn't in me. In the first impression, I will portray myself as agreeable and sociable, but believe me, I surely would distance myself away after knowing people for some time. It's not's me. I always find it difficult to really be amiable all the time. I am always a loner...along the way I made acquaintances and get to know people. I never allow myself to be to close to others because I have this crazy and dumb notion that people would hurt you deep if you let yourself be an open book. By being mysterious and elusive, I would let people wonder what made me tick. I guess I was like this ever since I was small. While others play outside and had fun in the sun, I prefer to watch the documentaries by Transtel Cologne on the television or go to Sultan Ismail public library in JB and immerse myself in Enid Blyton's work.

I think by being the youngest, you don't have much to say coz' your elder siblings won't value your opinion much. Aww..what does she know..she's still a baby...blah..blah..blah. Well maybe they were right. So I found my escapism through books and documentaries where my reality collides with fantasy. I was in utopia, having the luxury to daydream and picturing myself as the primadonna in all the stories that I've read. Only my mom understood me...and let me be. People thought I was arrogant but I don't really care...coz' I know I'm not. It was apparent that I don't really know how to initiate a conversation. I always keep myself in familiar circles during gatherings or else I will be just a listener and let others do most of the talking. You can say that I am not the life of the party, that's for sure. I think for some inexplicable reasons, I am glad I am not... I don't want to be read thoroughly and be an anticlimax. Maybe I want people to keep on guessing and trying to figure out who the heck I am...maybe I thrive on being mysterious...even my hubby tend to read me wrong sometimes...I guess it was rather interesting to be dark and twisted. I don't envy straight-laced people. They're no fun...YEAH!!

Sometimes I feel that people read me wrong and jump to conclusion thinking the worst of me. That's unfair.. actually! However, I've learned to never let other's judgemental views bring me down..and so far so good. I've years of practice...hahaha! (I found out that humour can extend your life by a few years...what about dark humour, anyone?)

Monday, January 26, 2009


Lately my mind is becoming more twisted and turned haywire...maybe due to this sinking feeling that I have. I've often wondered if our state our mind contributes to our feeling sluggish, lazy and just wanna hit the sack? I have to drag myself out of bed everyday...knowing that I have responsibilities, and there are millions of things to do. My everyday life becomes robots I perform tasks without having feelings. I just want to SCRELL!!!!!

Yep.'s a word I came across when I aimlessly looked into Merriam-Webster Dictionary, for no particular reasons. It means to scream and yell simultaneously. And how aptly it describes how desperately I want to do. Maybe I should do just that and feel better afterwards..Hmm..worth trying.

Well, maybe that will be my therapy not to bottle things up and feeling miserable all the time. I was a loner, always a loner but that does not mean I am not happy. Once in a while I let others inside this demented house filled with distorted realms and some might even stay. Some embrace me for what I am while others shied away and looked in disgust. Whatever it is..I am what I mould myself to one can take that away from me.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Sibling Rivalry...revisited

I have a tale to tell. Let this be an iktibar to all of us. This is the story of human nature and even little things can be blown out of proportion if you don't get the fact straight.

The story goes like this....

" I was born in a family of seven. Being the youngest isn't a privilege. It's a curse..My older siblings resent me for being the apple of our parents' eyes. But somehow they cleverly mask the feeling of hatred by being nice because they were told to do so by the parents...And I was naive and clueless, thinking that I was everyone's favourite.

For years I was bullied mentally and physically by them, never once I thought I was being victimised, always thinking that I wasn't good enough, not up to their standard. I thought they were smart, know-it-all, sophisticated and everything. Indeed they meant the world to me. But I was in for a shock! They were jealous of me. They hated me. They laughed behind my back..And I never saw it coming.

When I was growing up my daddy passed on and we were taken care of by our mom. She tried really hard to provide for all of us. She had to earn a living to feed seven hungry and demanding mouths. To me she was like an angel, taking care of us, sacrificing a lot so that we could live. She had to swallow her pride so that all of us won't have to suffer like her. I always tell myself to strive hard for my studies and to excel in academics so that I can make her proud. Alhamdulillah, all my hard work and perseverence finally paid off when I was offered to study overseas. I can really say that the money my mom spent on me was all worthwhile. She gave me a little, but I treasured it so much. She was everything to me and I want her to savour my sweet success, so I promised myself that I will take care of her in return.

My mom was fair to us. Nobody was sidelined, everybody had their special place in her heart. But when you have so much build-up of negative feelings, you are numb to kindness. My sisters were nice to me but they considered me a nuisance. My brothers bullied me, some verbally, some physically. But I was never in harm's way so I always thought that it was all part and parcel of being siblings...rivalry and what not. My mom tried really hard to have us make peace with one another. Anyway, it seemed like it's a fact of life. We learned to deal with it. I learned to deal with it.

Ignorance is bliss that for so many years I was utterly ignorant, thinking I was still the baby of the family. The revelation came in a form of a little "bird" who whispered to me that I was to be blamed for all the shortcomings that my older siblings had. It was because of me, they were deprived of good education because they were not STUPID but all the money went to me. I took their chances away from them. They could have been "somebody" if not because of me.

I felt the ground shook underneath me. My emotion erupted from shock to disbelief to anger to despair. Oh My God!!! So this is what they really feel about me. It cut really deep, so deep that I cried incessantly inside, my heart torn apart. They told people I didn't care to be on time when my mom passed on. I didn't get the chance to see her for the last time, because it took me 12 hours to reach there. I did care, but I tried to conceal my agony, I tried to be strong. They made me the culprit so that they would feel good about themselves.

I got to know after all these years, because of my intelligence, they were envious of me. Not proud but hated my guts. As I mentioned earlier, what a complete, ignorant fool I was. I thought by being clever, I would be the toast of the family. How wrong was I. They resented me so much!!! They said I didn't take care of mom. That I totally washed my hand off when she fell sick. I was away at that time. I had no choice. Now my mom is gone..I am all alone in this world because they never cared to ask about my wellbeing. They never called me to ask how am I doing. I have to face the trials and tribulations of this miserable life with my inner strength and my faith in Allah. I can only pray that my journey in soul searching would end with me finding the calm and contentment in this crazy materialistic world. I can only pray for my siblings that one day Allah will bring light into their darkened heart. Insya Allah."

This is a greek tragedy which is just a figment of my crazy imagination. It does not associate with those of the living nor the dead. You are entitled to your own opinion. But mark my word, don't dwelve into the unknown or you'll be sorry!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! (laughing with malice)

-thousand apologies..I was feeling dead bored, guys ;-).

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Qunut Nazilah

My good friend Ustazah Yam, whom I befriended in Khartoum send me this Qunut Nazilah...and I'm sharing this with everybody who read my blog.

To be read after solah 5x a day..Especially for our brothers and sisters in Palestine.

Doa Qunut Nazilah (Hadist diriwayatkan oleh Umar Bin Khatab) :

Alloohummaghfir lilmu'miniina wal mu'minaat
Wal muslimiina wal muslimaat
Wa allif baina quluubihim
Wa ashlih dzaata bainahum
Wanshur 'Alaa 'Aduwwika wa'aduwwihim
Allohummal'in kafarota ahlil kitaabil ladziina
Yukadzibuuna rusulaka wayuqottiluuna auliyaa aka
Alloohumma khollif baina kalimaatihim
Wazalzil Aqdaamahum
Wa anzilbihim ba'sakalladzii layuroddu 'anilqaumil mujrimiin
Bismillaahirrahmaan irrahiim
Allohumma innaanasta'iinuka

Artinya: "Ya Allah ampunilah dosa kaum muslimin dan muslimat,
mukminin dan mukminat,
Ya Allah jinakkan, satu padukan hati orang-orang muslimin,
Perbaikilah keadaan mereka,
Tolonglah kaum muslimin utuk melawan musuh-musuh- Mu,
dan musuh-musuh mereka
Ya Allah, laknatlah orang-orang kafir yang mendustakan para RasulMu dan membunuh para kekasih-Mu,
Ya Allah cerai-beraikan kesatuan kata mereka,
Hancur leburkan kekuatan mereka,
Dan turunkanlah bencana-Mu yang tiada tertolak lagi untuk orang-orang yang penuh dengan dosa
Dengan menyebut nama-Mu ya Allah yang Maha Pengasih Maha Penyayang,
Ya Allah, sesungguhnya kami memohon perlindungan kepadaMu"

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Kindred Spirit

Today, I intend to address my state of mind, if I had any..hahah! I am feeling kinda blue ever since my beloved left for KSA on X'mas nite to start a new career there. Although my days are packed with the daily chores and tasks, but deep, deep inside, I am missing him so very much. Of course I know I'll be joining him soon. I'm so used to him going offshore on the oil rigs, about half of our marriage life back when he was a wellsite geologist. To some wives, this leaves a breather and they welcome their husbands' absence, once in a while.

But not me! Everytime he has to go, I would cry incessantly, little girls being tricked of her lollies, and I would be under the weather for a week... all this throughout our married life, and my kids would cry too, seeing their mommy down with flu, and crying...what a sissy, right. But that is who I am...maybe an incorrigible, crybaby, sensitive soul. My beloved is my kindred spirit, my soul mate, my best friend and my great companion. We could talk for hours about as many subjects as known to man and never got tired or ran out on ideas. I remember when we were courting back when we were still in the States, we talked on the phone for 11 hours, taking a break only to go relieve ourselves, hehe! Luckily our limited fund preventing AT&T from making us their preferred customers.

We have known each other for more than half of our lives. We seem to grow up together, having ups and downs, but never could live without each other. Though we do have faults and idiosyncracies, they enhance our colourful and tumultuous journey in this union we called marriage. A life together full of dreams, promises and hopes. The times when we are apart really strengthen our yearning for each other coz' we could not function well without each other. We lend support to each other. Those nights we spent the time talking, sometimes baring our soul, till the wee hours of the morn', always hold dear in my heart. We were never judgmental of each other...we complete each other, compromise our ideals, share and have the same taste for lots of thing. We are like one entity, but never lose our own individuality. We give each other room to breathe, try not to take things for granted in our relationship. We work hard to make this work....

One thing for sure...the longer the journey, the harder it is for couples to cope with being apart. You know him too well. He won't cook, not because he doesn't know how to but he misses your cooking. He has restless nights, because you were not by his side. The house looks and sounds empty because you don't hear his deep soothing voice filling the atmosphere. You too have restless nights, coz' you long for his warm embrace....

Patience has its virtue..there goes the saying. I know it's hard to be apart, like I'm so used to it. Getting used to being apart doesn't mean your heart does not ache inside. You learn to mask the pain by doing lots of things...reading especially helps. No doubt as one with faith, prayers are always your guide, especially in these emotional times. Keep on praying and soon the day when you would be together again would come. Its true that absence does make your heart grows fonder...coz you don't have time to feel otherwise.

Appendage: Skype RULES!!! Talked for 2 hours on Skype just now...seeing his face and hearing his's like he is in the same room as I am.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Having a Cake and Eat it too

Remember when we used to eat so many things and just couldn't care less about putting on weight? I used to pooh-pooh my late brother in-law, when he wisely ask me to watch what I ate...thinking that I'd never gain weight. But now, lo and behold! It's a monumental task to shed just 1 kg of flab what with having to look away from those delicious cheese cakes and chocolate moist cakes. What about those yummy blueberry muffins and butterscotch pecan cookies aromatically baked by Famous Amos? Whoa...hold it, Weight smeight!! Uuurrrggh and double uuurrrgghh!!! I can't take it anymore!!!

Blame it on the slow metabolism, but it's really hard to get on the treadmill everyday, to do a 30 minute workout which seems like forever. Your eyes are fixed on the console and keep on hoping that the LCD display blinks faster and faster though your legs are getting slower and slower...Uurrghh!! One thing that really gets to me is that if I increase the speed I have to keep up with it which means no slowing down...Think about those calories you burn!! Yeah right. Burn. Burn.

I think I know what is the matter with me. I enjoy food too much! My late mother, God bless her soul was an extraordinary cook, that everything she concocted tasted real good! Nasi Lemak, Lontong, Soto, Mee Goreng, Mihun, Laksa Johor, just to name a few, all tasted heavenly. Ahem..seriously, I guess I like to eat good food. Now I have to really, really change my eating shy away from those cholesterol-laden grubs and embark on a healthy food regime (erm, sounds like a military training) incorporating exercise programme to tone my body. So there you have it...See you guys in 2010! Maybe this is my only new year's resolution I am capable of fulfilling. Who knows. It'll be my soul-searching odyssey, trying real hard to stay on-course to reach a destined healthy wellbeing. Amin.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Lesson learnt

***My heart filled with great despair and wrath at the atrocity commited by Israel against the Palestinian people. My thoughts and prayers are with them and May Allah guide them in these hours of bleakness.***

Today, there's a lesson to be learned here. My littlest one got back from school and told me something that made me fuming mad...why? Well, the conversations went like this:

Mommy: Hi's your day?
Lily: Ok.
Mommy: Did you finish your food?
Lily: No, I managed to eat 1 sandwich only. (Grinning)
Mommy: Who went to recess with you?
Lily: Nobody...(making her balloon face)
Mommy: ..and why is that? I thought A___ usually went with you...
Lily: Well, erm.. N___ said A___ cannot go to recess with me today. Erm.. N___ said A____ can only go with me on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday only.
Mommy: Why did N___ do that?
Lily: I dunno...em..I did ask her why but she seemed to be in a hurry!
Mommy: You know should tell N___ that she's not the boss of you and you can be friends with anybody you like and you don't have to ask for her permission! Understand?
Lily: Ok Mommy...(chimpy face)

Well you see...this is so typical of children's behaviour. The bossy girl just couldn't stand it if her friend gets close with sombody else. Even if she has made some new friends herself. And how do I deal with this? On one hand I'm trying to set good example to my daughters by being nice and don't bother too much about this. Otherwise, my girls would always think that people are obnoxious and repulsive, and their outlook in life would always be pessimistic. But, lemme digress a little. I don't have these vials of hatred in me. I just feel that when you are too nice, people would step on you have to be a bit nasty...know when to be nice but you gotta have some air...not too much though. Too much would make you one pompous, nose in the air kinda person...which is baaadd...Hmm. Back on track, so I just told my Lily that make friends with those who want to be your friend because they like you for who you are, not what you have. If there's nobody befriending you..then it's their loss.

As far as I can see, my Lily is a fun, creative girl. She's quite timid when in large crowds. However, in the vicinity of our home, she would come up with lots of witty stories, and make funny faces only we, the family could enjoy. She likes drawing stick cartoons in strips with different expressions which she called "comix". Always thoughtful and worries too much. She reminds me a lot of myself when I was her age. I didn't have that many friends too because I didn't know how to initiate the first move, always waiting for others to first say hello. Until now, I'm only comfortable when I'm with people I know...though I'm really ok with it.

You know what they say, what goes around comes around. Now I see the reflection of me and my insecurity in my childhood mirrored by my girl. She's one sensitive, concerned little blossom who really knows how to make me smile. I wish she had more confidence to face the challenges of today's world. There's so much a mother can wish for. I hope with time she would learn to stand up and feel confident about herself. And who cares what others would think...I hope she'll bloom into a kind, funny and caring human being in this desolate world.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

For a Better Life

What's with some people, anyway? It's like they despise change, especially in other people...Me, I'm all for it. If it is for the better, why not? If it makes you happy, go ahead. If change can make you become more bearable to be with, be my guest. I've never thought change can be sooo bad. After all, we need changes in our life. Change for a better standard of living is one thing. To me (some people might not agree) having tons of money doesn't mean you have to flaunt it to others (the expression "when you've got it, flaunt it" does not apply here, people). I do hate (hate is too strong a word) well I don't think I like those people who want to compete with others in terms of how much money you have and how many imported cars you own in your what kind of tv you have in the living room, be LCD or plasma.

Well, I know I'm beating about the bush here, but what I mean is if you want to change your life by making a new career choice, or moving to a new bigger bungalow or high-end condo, or having a bigger, new imported any means do it. But never change because it is expected of you (to please others) or just because the green ogre of jealousy in you couldn't evaporate that you need to top your friends who are more successful than you won't ever be satisfied that way...Do it because you want to do it, it makes you feel exhilarated inside, and you know you want a better life. A life where you can wake up every morning and stop to smell the roses, knowing you deserve every waking moment God has bestowed upon you. A life where you are at inner peace with yourself, others and the surroundings. A life where you can say to yourself...hey, not bad huh. Pat yourself on the back and go on living. Life is too precious to be petty.

I welcome change if it lifts your spirit, soaring high to enhance a better you to yourself, your beloved, your friends, even your enemies. Don't go changing...that's always rings true when you sense that people change for the worst. The change I'm talking about involves changing your standard of living but never your persona...Most people got lost in translations because with the change in lifestyle comes change in bearing...losing your friends along the way.....

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Blow the Candles and Make a Wish

OMG!!!...Has time really flew that fast that my baby has grown up to be 16 today? It was just like yesterday when the nurse wheeled her in into the room in Pantai Medical Centre. Her big eyes surveyed the room, tried to figure out where the heck she was. And now she's no longer that delicate baby I once held gingerly in my arms. She's now my good friend, a great helper, most wonderful person and a smart young lady, ready to face challenges in this trivial world. Though I miss her amusing antics when she's just a tiny tot (her famous word only she can understand....tabutuk), now I can say that I'm really proud of her. She's like a gourmet cheese. Aged well and taste great. Don't go changing, Love. I wouldn't have you any other way. Happy Birthday My Sweet 16. Blow your candles and make a wish (maybe more). May all your wishes do come true!!!

Some people asked me why don't I try for a boy. Well, easier said than done. It's a given, these things, not something you plan and rant mad if you don't get what you want. I am blessed with what I have and wouldn't change a thing. Yes...sometimes I get mad and sometimes I get sad. But all in all life is a contentment. The kids have their days, sometimes with glee, sometimes completely nerve wrecking. I must admit I lost my top countless times but at the end of the day, when I hugged them all the mood swings suddenly seem to fade away. They're God given, entrusted to me to raise and upbring. Why me? Am I a good mother? Can I nurture them with endless unconditional love? Will they hate me if I said NO when thay want to go out with their friends on weekends? Will they be mad if I scold them for getting bad grades? I guess the beauty of being a mother means never having the right answer to these questions but knowing what feels right. And as always, a mother only wants what is right for the children....

Saturday, January 3, 2009

I am A Wanderlust

Travelling to faraway land, zig-zagging thru' narrow cobblestoned alleys, lost in awe at the huge,gigantic museums...admiring the towering minarets of marbled walls of mosques of yesteryears....I am a wunderlust!!! My hunger to explore the wonderous cities of many seethes inside. How I wish I could backpack myself and leave everything behind and embark on a soul-searching adventure I always dreamed about.

Hehehe! Just like reading a romance novel. Indeed I love to travel. I love exploring the cities and understand the history, culture and the romanticism of each of them. Call me a romantic... I just had a crazy dream last it crazy coz' I dreamt that I was an exotic belly dancer of Istanbul, performing in front of many, strutting my stuffs and making men oogling at my voluptuous bod..... One thing about me..I'm a nutsy-kookoo kinda person. Being serious is a bane to my existence. Even my dreams are eccentrical in nature. But seriously, ahem, dreams are wild and far beyond reach. I wish I could do that but that's not really who I am. I don't have the guts anymore. I guess motherhood has tamed me real good. I wonder if I'm not married and having kids, maybe I would be a wandering photographer, with my Nikon slung around my neck, capturing kaleidoscopes of life images and savouring the gourmet cheeses of various lands.

Hmm...weird eh. Actually I'm clueless still, even at 42, I don't really know what I want. I want to do everything but I prefer daydreaming them coz' it's easier that way...

Actually I have travelled quite a lot with my family. We went to museums, historical ruins and palaces, ate exquisite food, and bought a lot of fancy souvenirs. I enjoyed travelling with them kids. They are fun and full of antics. I guess I kinda find my soulmates in my family. We share the same dreams, the same hopes...and couldn't ask for anything more. Come wander some more with me....Love you, guys.

Addendum: Went to Suria KLCC with the kids to pick up our medical reports for the Saudi visas. Had lunch for the first time at Madam Kwan's (much hoopla due to long queue during lunch hours). The food...boleh lah (it's all right) but I guess I wanted to give my firstborn her early birthday treat today. (Her birthday is tomorrow). I got tons of things to do tomorrow so I might as well give her present today...Nothing much but means a lot to her. As usual, I like to buy books for my children. I want them to expand their knowledge through literature. Things I never get when I was young, I want them to experience, relish and cherish in their every waking moment. My kids mean the world to me...

Friday, January 2, 2009

Why cheese, you ask?

Cheese represents the finer things in life. I remember when I first tasted the tangy taste of cheese. I fell in love with it. I can't really describe the feeling. It was like I had died and went to heaven. I know I'm being a bit melodramatic, but it's true. The way I eat cheese is different from other people. Cut into tiny bits, I savour each bite with grapes - dark, purple, crunchy ones. Whoa...pure ecstasy.

Some people like cheesecakes, some like cheese in their burgers. But I like cheese on its own...or with grapes (wait...that sounded weird O.o). But I tell it as it is. So, I look at life like eating cheese with grapes (there I go again>o<...but you know what I mean). I may raise few eyebrows but this is who I am.